Tag Archives: stupid

Today's Failure

Rabbits in Australia are today’s rapidly spreading failure

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On the 13th of May 1788, eleven great wooden ships departed from the south of England, two of them were Royal Navy Escorts, the remainder carried supplies and convicts, this was indeed the beginning of the story for Australia and for the literally and liberally fucking rabbits that now plague it’s interior.

They brought the very first rabbits with them to Australia, initially, this wasn’t much of a problem, as they were all in cages and eaten with great relish.

However, this came crashing down, as the local Australian predators were gleefully obliterated in the name of sheep herding and general agricultural nonsense, turns out they had kept the population of rabbits fairly stable, until evolution came along and went “ha, HARDIER BREDS” and everything went straight into uncontrollable growth.

Apparently the entire present horrible rabbit infestation can be traced back to twenty-four rabbits released in 1859 by Thomas Austin, a moronic idiot who thought it was a great idea to just randomly introduce English species of animal into a totally alien environment, a true vanguard of the kind of ineptitude that to this day continues to thrive among the Australian political class.

And now rabbits are everywhere in Australia, causing havoc, rabbits aren’t picky eaters, basically devouring every single plant, which has the consequence of erosion, in Europe our plants have evolved alongside the rabbits, so they are much hardier breeds, much better suited for the kind of grazers we have.

It does help we didn’t manage to wipe out all our foxes and wolves, one wonders if the Dingo might be slightly more helpful in keeping them down, in Australians didn’t consider them a pest.

Oh well, the Australian government will just BIOLOGICAL WARFARE against the rabbits, having learned an important lesson from the Emu War, that they so comically lost.

The Emu War

Either that or just make massive fences everywhere, at least we have gained the enlightenment of how Trump got his idiotic wall from.

A Great Big Fence in the Country!

The lesson? Don’t released animals, at all, you don’t do that, it’s bad. This is one of those lessons that animal rights activists that have become radicalized don’t seem to understand, releasing fur-producing animals into foreign environments are REALLY fucking bad for it.

Electronic Entertainment, Features of Failure

The Ouya is Today’s Failure

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The Ouya is Today’s Failure, because every Wednesday is going to be failed crowdfunding projects, because otherwise we’d never learn anything.

The Ouya was a micro-console, I say was, you can’t get the misbegotten thing anymore, for which all of humanity ought to be immeasurably grateful, it was a silly thing. Annouced in 2012 as a “revolutionary” home video console by Julie Uhrman, described as an industry veteran by many, she wasn’t an industry veteran when we’re talking about a console, she would be one talking pure business development, but that didn’t translate over.

HELLO! MY NAME IS JULIE UHRMAN! I AM VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT THINGS!

They used kickstarter and did get over eight and half million US dollars, not bad for the former Vice President of Digital Distribution of IGN (Note, IGN doesn’t actually do proper digital distribution, IGN is a website for basically paid reviews), at the time the fifth largest sum kickstarted, even on that platform it has been eclipsed, all the way down to nine, including all platforms Ouya isn’t even close to the 200 million US$ and more StarCitizen has raised.

Still, not to shabby, combined it with various venture capital, they actually managed to release the product, that’s right, for my fellow engineers out there, they released a “Minimum Viable Product”.

Fucking hell, this was massively popular? Why?

It was a smartphone in a box, literally, the blasted thing used Andriod and had an Nvidia Tegra 3 chipset to handle the lifting, wont call it heavy, it can run mobile apps, that isn’t heavy lifting even at the worst of times.

And guess what, the design of the ugly little shitbox? YVES BEHAR, the primogenitor of the damned himself returns to sprinkle failure all over the venture, the Ouya had issues with overheating and STANDING UP, mostly due to issues with the case.

The controller? The buttons would get stuck all the time, the touch pad in the center, designed to handle mobile games touch controls, didn’t work properly in the earlier versions and it felt cheap. Then again, what did people expect from a device costing 99 US$.

HATE
Hate.

April 2013 they began delivering the pre-ordered Ouyas, June it was put up for sale, October they announced a redesign in 2014, it went up in the end of January 2014, double the storage and a new controller, hot damn.

Now, as with virtually all consoles released since like 1995, Ouya didn’t make any money on the consoles, nobody does, except Sony on the first PlayStation but they basically made the whole thing in-house from whatever random crap they had around, the money comes from licensing and software sales.

But the Ouya was terminally stupid, you could replace the entire thing with a HDMI cable and a laptop, then add in various casting devices and the Raspberry Pi being better in almost every way.

In 2015, Alibaba for some forsaken reason, throw ten million dollars at the sinking ship, guess what? The whole mess was sold to Razer in July of the same year, frankly, Alibaba probably didn’t even notice the cash was gone.

Razer only purchased the software and developer relations elements, the rest was left to rot in the sun, they used this technical staff to support their own micro-console and what do you know, it was discontinued in 2016.

And how does this sordid tale end? Total shutdown of everything in June this very year, rendering a default Ouya an even more useless hunk of junk.

Julie Uhrman now works as Head of Media, for Playboy.

The lessons learned are that micro-consoles are silly.

Sources:

https://variety.com/2018/digital/news/playboy-julie-uhrman-president-media-1202936333/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ouya

The OUYA: Bullshit marketing and idiots

https://www.linkedin.com/in/julieuhrman/

Music

David Cameron won!

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David Cameron (331) has won. And the world is poorer for it, we’ll have another five years where every time anything remotely big international event, that man and his ugly massive forehead and posh accent, will cause pain and misery for millions.

And yet again, we have to suffer through another five years of vague nationalism, fear and loathing in Londontown and Boris Johnson being sadly relevant.

And the entire thing is being portrayed like some great heroic feat from David Cameron, and yet, it isn’t.
England, and note here, not the rest of the UK, not Scotland, not Wales or for that matter Northern Ireland, has a lovely divide between the north and the south, and cities and countryside.

In the North, Labour (232) still has a leftover residual “Party of the Workers” left, and cities have always been more left-wing, turns out when you live next to everyone else in crumbling cities made of concrete and idiocy, you tend to vote leftish, wonder why, could be the constant human contact, and the understanding that not all humans are out to murder you with sticks.

Whereas in the countryside? Hot damn, fuck my neighbor, I’ve got my shit straight.

Fucking Conservatives.

So why did Labour fail so utterly miserably? Because they had no policies, no charisma, not a fucking gram of purpose, they simply send some unlikable arsehat out on stage, and hoped for the best.

Surprise, surprise, didn’t fucking work at all.

Ed Milliband even looks like David Cameron, the people of England where basically given a choice between one goofy looking fucker you know, and one goofy looking fucker you don’t know.

What a choice, eh?

So David Cameron won, because Labour are useless shitlords, who have absolutely no clue what they are doing, none whatsoever, completely lost in the forest of dicks and strawberries.

As for the Liberal Democrats (8)? If someone out there, are surprised that they lost utterly and completely, then please contact me, I’d like to sell you the Great Belt Bridge, because you are definitely a gullible fool, and I look forward to abuse that for fun and even more fun.

And even had such high hopes for the Lib Dems, and they squandered all of it, they should have insist on the proportional electoral reform, and not whatever forsaken compromise was spewed forth.

Hell, Conservative would STILL have won, they’d have to do a coalition, but they’d been the senior partner.
As for Scotland? They voted no to independence, that time, but they sure as fuck voted yes to independence this time around, of the 59 seats reserved for Scotland, 56 where won by the Scottish Nationalist Party (SNP), that’s a higher vote than then President of Kazakhstan got, and he’s a brutal post-soviet central Asian dictator, and he had to use all the fascist powers at his disposal to get that.

Nicola Sturgeon got it by the revolutionary way, of not being complete shit. SNP are actual Social Democrats, wanting to go with the Scandinavian model, they have an ideology, beside Scottish Independence. And it turns out, that everyone else are giant bastards towards the Scottish, how we weep for them all.

I expect to see another vote for Scottish Independence within the next few years, hopefully, this time the people of Scotland will realize, that they have nothing to fear.

As for the rest of the seats? Oh who cares, some seats that Sein Fein won some, and won’t take, out of some ancient reason, no one outside of Northern Ireland still cares about.

Other arseholes won the rest, who cares.

One did go to the Green Party, well done there.

So now, another five years with David Cameron, unless his party continues their proud tradition, and brutally backstabs him, metaphorically speaking, probably.

David_Cameron_official

LOOK AT HIM! AHHAHAHAHA! FUCK YOU!

Electronic Entertainment, Reviews

Duke Nukem Forever is bloody stupid.

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The game starts up with Duke taking a piss, but not just any piss. A piss of such magnitude, of such glory, so loaded with testosterone and steroids, that’s it officially qualifies as a chemical weapon in no less than 53 of the lower states. Now Duke zips up and fires of some catchy remark.

Which i sadly didn’t listen to, wondering if the game is really taking the piss, of everything. It’s a relic, a pipe(bomb( dream, something that really should have stayed lost, or make ten years ago, where it would have been a masterpiece. Sadly, now it’s just another mediocre FPS, which is really bad, because this was once upon a time, the potential for a champion among champions, now, and yet.

Duke Nukem Forever is probably the Silliest Game of the Year, which is a bit of a problem, because I do not think, it was suppose to feel quite this silly, defenitely not a serious game, but it doesn’t take the shit quite as good as say, Serious Sam did, it just messes around with mediocre health regeneration, quicktime event and sexism. It’s just juvenile to such a staggering degree, that it just ends up being fucking stupid, you don’t laugh, you groan.


I never see the enemies like this, all I see is a garbled mess as they mindlessly charge me.

A health bar replaced by an ego bar, increased by looking in a mirror, eating doughnuts, pumping iron and behaving like a pillock. An enemy AI that’s just about the same, as the one used in Duke Nukem 3D, the decade old gaming classic, shows that Gearbox didn’t even bother trying to innovate this game at all.

An entire stage, with a miniaturized Duke, driving around in a fucking RC car, it’s just so sad, Half-Life 2 did this years ago, twice, without the retarded gimmick. It’s like playing that ancient MicroMachines racing game all over again, just worse, and less fun. Seriously, who thought this was in any way a good idea? Yes, I do indeed love sections of constantly re-spawning enemies, where all I can hope to achieve in my present state, is make them jump around on a single leg. Dodging sure is fun, fun like taking a shite in a winter forest, surrounded by rampaging LARPers.

And don’t make me start ranting about the magnificent design off the random passersby you encounter, they look like they’ve just escaped from freaking Outcast, or perhaps even, from some of the old trailers of Duke Nukem Forever. There’s just no excuse for this kinda useless work.

And these motherfucking pigs! Fuck them, hateful little shite gameplay.

And dear sweet one-eyed Wotan, god of destiny, god of death, the all knowing, the all-seeing, all hail Odin, true King of the Gods, those fucking twins are annoying, it’s like having Tony Blair licking your ears, possibly pleasant, but deeply annoying. I don’t even want to save them, when they are inevitably kidnapped, the world would be better of without them, hell, the universe would be better off without them.

And hey, remember how Alyx from Half-Life 2 looked, behaved and dressed like a sensible human being? And remember how no one really tries to do that again? Duke Nukem Forever once against proves that it is the anti-matter of all innovation, and scales the whole thing back to strippers and lesbian twin schoolgirls. Skimpy clothing, skimpy brains, skimpy motivation, boring as fuck.

Go visit and actual strip bar you useless freaks.

Gotta give the game a few points, it’s tradition, it is deeply honest, it does have a mature rating, no pandering to the politically correct crowd, or to WalMart. And it runs on my ancient PC, a pc that’s so decrepit, that it’s being held together with glue, dust and my iron will.


This picture contains nothing but filthy lies!

In the end, don’t bother, unless you have the mental youthfulness of a seven year old German boy. The game-play itself, is so utterly devoid of innovation, so generic, that the layer of ancient nostalgia, makes you feel kinda sad.

Don’t buy it, watch a Let’s Play on Youtube, see a stupid friend play it. But stay away, it’s just not good.

Not even charming.

If you are a retarded man-child, go buy it on Steam.

Rating: 43/100